Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
