I want to walk on stilts...naked
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
