if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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