New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm sobbing to NWA
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize