I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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