I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
