Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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