tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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