My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this just has baby written all over it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize