i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
