i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
