And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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