roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
