It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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