I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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