I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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