Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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