Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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