i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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