Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize