I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
