oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
