is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize