I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
