i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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