they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize