nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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