i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
