We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he fucked my hip out of place.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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