I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
