Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
