Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
not ubering you a puppy
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