census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
