508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So much rum. So many feels.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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