Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
