My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
