Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
