Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
