fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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