how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
