she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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