sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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