people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
