and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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