The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
