you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize