First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
