she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
