I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
