I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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