just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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