woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
