i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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