just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
