Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize