am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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