is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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