Umm I'm too high to move.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
