vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
