all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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