ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
NoShamevember. You game?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
