I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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