Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
