2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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