So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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