Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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