You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
