you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
